Those 5 little words that changed our lives forever…..
On Sunday 5th August, my other half an I had been to a hospital tour of the ward that we would have our baby on. I had been feeling strange movements and what felt like ‘tightenings’ in the afternoon and at around 6pm I decided that I would ring just to get checked. They said to pop back up to the labour ward as it was a Sunday evening and the MAU (Maternity Assessment Unit) was closed.
I’ve never really told anyone this but I actually thought that maybe my baby girl was on her way to meet us. Oh how very wrong I was…
When we arrived at the hospital, we were shown into a room and the midwife looked for her heartbeat with the usual monitoring equipment. She took a while but couldn’t find her heartbeat. Stupidly on my part, I wasn’t worried as my little pickle hadn’t always been the easiest to find on the doppler at other appointments. The midwife went to get a doctor to carry out a scan, it was as he place the ultrasound equipment on my beautiful bump I knew something wasn’t right. And then those words ‘I’m sorry…your baby has died’. It was at that point my life stopped and my heart too broke into a million pieces.
The next half an hour is a bit of a blur of me wanting to be sick, crying, hyperventilating, confusion, utter heart break.
I remember two key things about that evening……
- Ringing my mum to hear her heart break too
and
- Telling me other half that ‘I knew we weren’t that lucky…’ ~ I had always believed we were so lucky to have been growing a beautiful little girl and to this day I’m back to believing I was lucky.
I Know I Will Love You Forever... 